


Thinking of You

by Kimbakimothy



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 1940s, Alternate Universe, Domestic Violence, F/M, True Love, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26113051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimbakimothy/pseuds/Kimbakimothy
Summary: How did she end up here?It was all because of him. It had always been because of him. He was her motivation to get up in the morning. He was the reason she would get all dressed up and go on about her daily life.He wasn't her fiance.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Thinking of You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So I wrote this back in like 2015 after I discovered Bucky Barnes and my undying love for him. I wrote it completely out of canon minus that Bucky signs up for WWII. So anyways I hope you all enjoy?

How did she end up here? Sitting alone on this porch swing outside of a house--furnished for a family she didn't have. Three hours prior, she had been inside at her desk, writing a letter to an old friend--or at least that had been how she had phrased it when her fiance, drunk and stumbling, angrily snatched the letter from under her pen.

It was all because of him. It had always been because of him. He was her motivation to get up in the morning. He was the reason she would get all dressed up and go on about her daily life.

He wasn't her fiance.

His name was James and he and Katherine had been friends for years before they fell in love their senior year of high school.

And yes, Katherine knew how cheesy their story sounded, but it was true.

November of 1941, that was when they started dating. December of 1941, however, came with a surprise.

December 7, 1941 was the attack on Pearl Harbor. Katherine remembered the day well. It was 12:30 pm on a Sunday, so everyone was out to lunch after church when the radio announced a "Breaking News" alert to inform the United States of America about the attack. The next day, Katherine returned home from school to the news that the United States had joined the war.

She remembered the fear that struck her as she ran out of her house. All she could think about was James--she had to talk to James.

James was excited. He couldn't wait to graduate and join the army. He always said he wanted to help people and this was a perfect opportunity--or in his eyes it was. To Katherine, it was her worst nightmare. All she could think about was the possibility of losing him, but she couldn't tell him not to.

New Year's came and went with many promises of forever as they kissed at the stroke of midnight.

Turns out forever isn't so long after all.

The rest of their time in High School flew by and next thing they knew, graduation day was upon them.

"I can't believe we're finally free!" James shouted energetically as he lifted Katherine into a hug after the ceremony. Katherine quietly agreed, but something was nagging in the back of her mind--the feeling that she was running out of time.

She ignored it and enjoyed the festivities of graduation. James was set to leave in a week, and she wasn't going to waste a second with him. That night though, as she watched their best friends, Elizabeth and Christopher, get engaged at their graduation party, she couldn't help but wonder if James would ask her to marry him before he left.

He didn't.

The two of them were out by their apple tree--it was where they had met all those years ago when she caught him stealing an apple from it's branches. The apple tree was one of the only places left in the city that was still filled with nature rather than yet another dull building, an exact copy of those that surrounded it. It was her safe place long before they met, and even more so once he joined her there. Katherine was reading a book she had borrowed from a friend and James was lying with his head in her lap, Katherine's free hand running through his hair as he relaxed--until he tensed suddenly. Katherine noticed and her hand stopped as she glanced at him with concern. He was staring back at her--concentrating as if he couldn't quite put his finger on something.

"What?" Katherine asked teasingly.

"I don't know when I'm going to be back." James blurted out. Katherine's expression quickly changed from flirtatious to shocked before she steeled herself. She had known this was coming she just didn't expect it to be so sudden. "I've heard that they're hurting for troops so bad that they're shipping them out straight out of basic training now, Kat." He told her with a sad smile. Katherine slowly closed the book and set it beside her as James sat up next to her and took her hand in his. "I want you to promise me something." he urged her.

"I'll promise you anything, you just have to promise me you'll come back eventually." Katherine responded monotonously. James chuckled shaking his head.

"You know I can't promise you that."

"Why not?" Katherine demanded, pulling her hand from his forcefully. "Why can't you just promise me that you'll come back to me safe and sound?" James let out a laugh as Katherine hit his chest, a tear rolling down her cheek as reality set in and she shouted, "It's not funny!"

"No, you're right. It's not. But I'm going to miss you so much." He responded calmly, reaching up to wipe a tear from her cheek as he cupped her face--or at least he looked calm, his voice cracking a bit as he smiled at her. Katherine was crying at this point, completely and utterly sobbing actually, and James pulled her into his arms as a few tears fell from his eyes as well. "Kat, you have to promise me that you won't wait for me."

"What--?" Katherine tried to pull away from him to look him in the eyes but he wouldn't let her go--he couldn't look at her.

"You have to promise me you'll find a guy who'll treat you right, and settle down, and have lots of babies. Okay? I just need you to promise me that." James asked her, sounding like he was about to break down at any minute.

"James..." Katherine whimpered, wrapping her arms around him and holding him as tight as she possibly could.

"Promise me?"

Katherine and James sat in silence for a few minutes before Katherine finally pulled back from him and, looking into his beautiful hazel eyes, nodded.

With that James nodded as well, then pulled her in for a kiss. As they pulled away Katherine mumbled a soft, "I love you." She could see the tears in his eyes as he stood up.

As he stood there he muttered a strained, "I know."

And with one last sad pained smile thrown in her direction, he walked away.

He left for basic training the next day.

She had kept her promise. She had met a nice man who was rather well-off money-wise and when he had asked her out, she had accepted.

Katherine started writing to James after she had received his address from his mother. He never responded to her letters, but she liked to imagine it was because he was too busy, too exhausted, or it hurt too much. For her however, it was a way for her to let out her frustrations of the day. She liked to tell him about how she was doing, what she had done that day and the previous days since she had written her last letter. Sometimes she'd tell him about Thomas, her new boyfriend who she had met in September, 1942. She wouldn't be dating him if James hadn't told her to, so she figured he'd like to know about the progress in their relationship.

She was content. Her life wasn't superb, but she also wasn't living in a shanty in Central Park, which was always good.

Often she'd go out to their tree when she was writing to James--it was where she felt the most connected to him, where she felt that his presence was the strongest. Whenever she would write to him there, she almost felt as though he were there listening intently, making small sarcastic remarks every once in awhile.

On their one year anniversary, Thomas set up a surprise picnic to celebrate. So when Katherine made her way to the apple tree to write her letter for that day, she was shocked to find him there.

"I noticed you like to come here often. I figured a picnic under your favorite apple tree would be a nice surprise for our anniversary." He told her when she asked for an explanation. She thanked him softly and sat down--a tad unsettled. As they ate, she slowly settled into the usual comfortably numb feeling she got around Thomas. In fact, she completely forgot he was there as she stared up at the sky.

Thump.

An apple fell before her, catching her attention. Smiling she reached for it and picked it up.

"What's that you've got, dear?" Thomas inquired. Katherine jumped slightly as she spun towards him. Then she smiled as she held out the apple.

"Here! Eat it while it's fresh!"

 _"Well if you insist!"_ James voice rang out in her head in response. She could imagine the last time she had done this with him their senior year. He hadn't even bothered to take the apple from her hand, opting rather to just bite it while she was holding it, juice running down his chin as Katherine giggled and squealed _"James!"_ at him.

"Why would I do that? It just fell to the ground! It's probably bruised." Thomas' response shook her out of her memory as he looked at her as if she had gone mental.

"Oh right. My apologies." Katherine mumbled, setting the apple next to her book, paper, and pen.

As time went on Katherine couldn't help but compare Thomas to James, and the more she did, the more she realized how "second best" Thomas was... _"If that."_ James voice rang out annoyingly loud in her head. She rolled her eyes and giggled. She told James about him--how she could see a future but it wasn't her future, it was the future of the girl her parents had wanted her to become. She didn't love Thomas, he was wonderful to her but no matter how kind and wonderful he was, he wasn't James.

It took another year and a half for Thomas to propose to her. It wasn't a big spectacle, or at least it wasn't to her. It was at her 20th birthday party in front of all of her friends and family, and as he got onto one knee Katherine looked over towards her best friend, now with a child in her arms, Christopher off with James in the war, she saw the sad smile on Elizabeth's face--and it reminded her of her birthday party their senior year. Almost everybody had gone home--aside from Elizabeth, Christopher, and James. Katherine's parents had headed inside for bed about an hour prior, leaving the four teens to sit around the bonfire in the backyard and just talk. Somehow the conversation had turned towards engagements and such.

"I've always wanted to be asked in front of a big crowd of people. I think it'd be the most romantic thing in the world to have all those people cheering for you." Elizabeth speculated. "And I'd love to have a really pretty ring. Something small but still detailed."

"I agree about the ring. Actually I'd really love to have my gran's claddagh engagement ring if I could, but lord knows my mom won't be giving that up anytime soon." Katherine sighed, remembering her mother's words from when she was little, _"One day this ring will be yours, but I will not be giving it to just anyone--if he proposes with this ring you'll know he came to us for permission and we gave it to him, you'll know he's right for you."_ Her mother wasn't James' biggest fan so Katherine didn't expect her to give it to him even if he did ask for her permission. "However, I don't think I'd enjoy a big spectacle when proposed to. I think I'd much rather prefer something small and intimate--something that makes me think he actually cares about me. I feel like a spectacle would feel like more of a show--I'd be thinking more about what everyone else thinks rather than what I think."

Katherine was brought out of her memory by Elizabeth mouthing something to her, _'He's alive. You don't have to--'_ Katherine couldn't make out what Elizabeth was saying at the time though, and turned away from her best friend to look at Thomas on his knee presenting her with a beautiful ring that had a rather large diamond nestled into the middle.

It was all wrong.

But she still said yes.

She promised.

As he placed the ring on her finger and gave her a kiss all she could think about was James. How James would never have done this here at her birthday party. James would never taste like smoke. James tasted of strawberries--her favorite fruit--and spearmint, and _James_.

And then the guilt set in.

Katherine wrote an especially long letter that night after returning home, staying up into the late hours of the night in order to do so. She told James everything, and as she did she cried a bit. She wrote about how everything had been totally wrong, how he didn't give her the ring--and did that mean he just didn't ask permission? Or had her mother not approved? He must not have asked because he was exactly the kind of man her mother had wanted her to end up with... right? She told him about how she had been right all those years ago, and the whole thing had felt more like she was putting on a show for everyone rather than agreeing to commit to him for the rest of her life. She even might have told him that she was angry at _him_. How she wished they could've been together as Elizabeth and Christopher were. And then she left him off by telling him how she wished he was still here, she missed him, and she hoped he was safe.

That summer, their apple tree was torn down to make way for a new building. Honestly, Katherine wasn't too surprised, it had only been a matter of time. Yet, even with her lack of surprise she sat at her desk that night and wrote out a letter to James once more. This time she spent most of the letter reminiscing about their time together at that tree, and as she did she couldn't help the tears falling as she begged him to come home safely—to come back to her.

By Winter 1944, Thomas and Katherine had moved in together in a beautiful house in the suburbs of New York City, the two of them slept in the same bed, and Katherine had finished schooling to become a nurse--which she had decided to start when she had heard from her friend that the local hospital was looking for nurses to help with the injured soldiers who ended up there. She had been looking for something new to do with her days anyways.

That winter ended up being especially harsh, and when she would come home from work at the hospital, she would be ready to change out of her uniform and crawl up in bed next to her fiance in order to warm up.

Except most nights, she'd get home and he wasn't there. He had taken to going out with friends more often than not recently. He'd come home late into the night, reeking of alcohol, and loudly making rude comments to her sleeping form. That last part she didn't know, because generally she would still be asleep, but she would wake in the morning to find her bed sheets smelling of liquor. The nights when he was home, he was distant, and he would never cuddle with her. Rather, he would opt for sitting in the family room and reading the paper.

One especially late night she sat in bed and wrote to James, telling him of Thomas' latest antics, and how cold she was both inside and out. Though she was concerned about Thomas, she felt perhaps he was just trying to live a bit before the two of them got married and settled she wrote, but at the same time she hoped he would go back to being the Thomas she knew. She told him that some nights she'd think back to their sleepovers in high school--before they started dating and her parents decided it was inappropriate to have him staying the night--and how warm he was, how comfortable he made her, how much she missed it.

She fell asleep before she finished writing the letter, and perhaps that's how Thomas had come to discover her correspondence habits. From then on, she would sometimes seal a letter and return later to take it to the post office only to find it opened and back out on the desk. She figured she must've been spacing more due to her exhaustion--imagining that she had put the letter into the envelope rather than actually doing so.

It was months later, in late April 1945 that everything came to a head. Katherine had been talking to Elizabeth a couple of days prior who had gotten a letter from Christopher that day. In his letter Christopher told Elizabeth that he and James were both in Bavaria. Katherine felt a weight lifted from her shoulders at the confirmation that James was still alive.

On April 26, the first big announcement came over the radio while Katherine was at the hospital. Finland had freed itself from German soldiers, and Milan and Turin, Italy had been liberated by the Italian Resistance the previous day. Katherine didn't think much of it until yet another news report came 2 days later.

"Yesterday, Mussolini was captured by the Italian Resistance." They said. Katherine couldn't believe it when the next day the news confirmed that the Italian Resistance had executed Mussolini. But the news kept coming. Italy liberated, German troops surrender.

Then came the biggest news of all. On May 2nd, the radio had a big announcement to make.

Hitler was dead.

The next night, they announced the surrender of Berlin.

And on May 4th, they announced the surrender of Bavaria.

Between then and May 8th, Katherine continued to listen closely to the news and watch the papers--not to mention checking the files for new patients before and after her shift.

Today. May 8th. Today was the day the war was over in Europe. Victory in Europe Day the man on the radio called it as everyone else in the hospital had celebrated.

Katherine had returned home that evening to an empty house, once again, and gone upstairs to write one last letter.

She had been writing to James to tell him that she wasn't happy. He was all she wanted. However she couldn't leave Thomas and she knew they both would prefer not to start an affair. So she was writing to say goodbye. She didn't think she could handle seeing him again if she couldn't be with him.

Thomas had stormed inside--having spotted Katherine through the window at her desk, writing. As he tore the letter from under her pen, she was actually scared of him for the first time since she had met him.

He screamed at her, called her a harlot, and then slapped her.

She told him to get out of her house.

Angry scared tears had rolled down her face as she screamed at him to leave before she called the police and caused a scene.

Thomas had left three hours ago.

Elizabeth pulled into Katherine's driveway spotting her friend sitting on the porch alone, tear-stained face and bruised cheek, and upon parking rushed to her friend, cradling her close as a fresh round of sobs formed in Katherine's throat.

While everyone else was out celebrating, Katherine was home holding onto her best friend for dear life.

The next morning Katherine awoke to find Elizabeth in the kitchen making her breakfast. As Katherine sat at the table eating numbly, she took off her engagement ring and looked closely at it. Then she gently set it on the table and continued eating.

Elizabeth's mother brought over her daughter, Margaret, later that afternoon--Elizabeth had offered to stay with Katherine for a week or so, just as a precaution--and that helped to keep Katherine distracted while Elizabeth ran home to grab some essentials for the baby and herself.

Thomas stopped by while Elizabeth was gone. He was completely sober but Katherine refused to let him into her house--something she emphasized to him repeatedly as he argued with her. Elizabeth returned while Katherine was arguing with him and threatened to call the cops on him for trespassing if he didn't leave. He left with a promise that Katherine would pack his stuff up and leave it on the porch for him to pick up while she was at work.

The days passed and suddenly it was Katherine's 21st birthday. Katherine's mother had offered to cancel her party if she wasn't feeling up to it, but Katherine felt it was better to continue on as though nothing had happened. So she prepared herself for her party, as did Elizabeth, and then the two got Margaret ready. When the time came they headed to the party--which was mostly a blur for Katherine.

Katherine knew it had been silly but she had hoped that somehow James would've been home by now--and perhaps as a birthday gift he would've tried to make it to her party. Christopher made it to her party though, and surprised Elizabeth in the process. He told her that James sent his best but was stuck helping with cleanup--they had sent the men with families home first round of returns. It didn't make much sense to Katherine but nothing to do with the military really did.

Christopher, Elizabeth, and Margaret all went home that night and Katherine was once more left alone, sitting on her porch as she looked at the stars above.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" a voice sounded from further down her driveway as a figure approached. "I was wondering if you might be able to assist me.

"Yes? How can I help you?" Katherine returned suspiciously as she squinted into the darkness to try and get a visual of who she was talking to.

"You see I've just returned from the war and I'm a little lost." The man's voice had a smug sound to it that was familiar to Katherine.

"What are you trying to find?"

"Well there's this girl--or at least she was a girl when I left, I believe she's more of a woman now. Just turned 21 actually. She's the love of my life and I made a grave mistake before I left, you see? I told her not to wait for me." He explained as he got close enough for her to catch the slightest glimpse of his face--and her heart skipped a beat. "In doing so, I think I lost her. I think she subjected herself to a world of unhappiness with another man, just for my benefit. However, seeing as today is her birthday I was hoping to surprise her, yet I can't seem to find her. I was wondering if you might be able to help me." He finished as he stepped fully into the light for her to see him. Katherine's breath caught in her throat as she stared at the man she had been longing to see, her eyes filling with tears as she stood slowly.

"James?" She inquired, cautiously. She had seen him frequently in her dreams like this, and once while she had been awake and daydreaming. "Please, tell me this isn't a dream? Please, tell me it's really you?" She followed up softly as she inched closer to him, she was scared and trying her best not to get her hopes up in case this were actually a dream.

James chuckled at her bewildered expression, "Yes, doll, it's me."

That's all Katherine needed to hear for her to break into a full sprint and jump into his arms. He caught her and then held her as she hugged him for dear life, sobbing hysterically. He smiled with tears in his own eyes as he set her down, then, using two gentle fingers under her chin, tilted her head towards his and leaned down to kiss her.

As they pulled away he smiled fondly at her as she slowly began to calm down, "I'm back."

"You're home." She corrected him with a laugh. He nodded as Katherine took his hand and led him into the house.

That night, after the two of them had spent a few hours getting reacquainted and enjoying each others company, he pulled out her gran's claddagh engagement ring, and asked her if he could officially make this his home.

Her response was that it always had been.

One week later, they planted an apple tree in the backyard.

Years later, when it was fully matured, Katherine found herself sitting beneath the tree watching James play with their son as she found herself thinking that perhaps home wasn't here, in fact maybe it wasn't a place at all. Maybe James was her home all along.

And she was his.

**Author's Note:**

> I have more ideas for stories coming maybe soon? Gotta actually sit down and write them. Currently hyper focused on a Peter Parker/OFC tic idea I have so maybe I’ll try and write that and post it soon?
> 
> Anyways please feel free to follow me on Instagram and Twitter at kimbakimothy to keep up with me and where I am stories wise etc.
> 
> It’s been years since I’ve posted something I wrote so I hope you all enjoyed or at least felt something and now I don’t know how to end this so I’ll just leave it there. Thanks.


End file.
